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Kiss your past goodbye and create a great future

We all have a recollection of that one person, event or circumstance that had a dramatic impact on how we view ourselves as women and how we view men and relationships. The sad truth about life is that as human beings and particularly as women, we fixate on the past. We scrutinize the things that have hurt us and treat our interpretation of rejection as a canvas of who and what we think we are. This in turn moulds our current fears or disappointments.

The tricky thing is that when you focus on your past disappointments you attract more to be disappointed about. This is why women tend to go for the same type of men or never seem to settle down, keep getting hurt or get cheated on by different people. This isn’t because men are evil, you have bad luck or it’s your doomed fate. This might be extremely hard to accept at first, but it really all has to do with the point of your focus. This is because our thoughts turn into emotions and emotions turn into attitude. Our attitude determines our actions and choices we make as well as associating ourselves with people who we can relate to (those with a similar character, fears, insecurities or past ) This is where sayings like birds of a feather flock together originate from. We attract who we are or who we think we are worthy of. While it is sometimes difficult to believe, you also attract everything about your experience with them.

Disappointment is communication from your inner being letting you know that, that which you are focused upon is not what you want. If you are sensitive to the way that you are feeling, then the disappointment itself will let you know that what you are thinking about is not what you want to experience.

Esther Hicks

So what does this mean? It means that your negative emotion is your indication that you are holding beliefs that are contrary to your own desires. You were put on earth to be happy, confident and loved so when you are focused on negative thinking your (inner self /soul /consciousness/spirit/whatever you want to call it) lets you know something is not right by giving you a strong emotion. For example, if you feel rejected your thoughts consist of things such as ‘I am not pretty enough, good enough, smart enough or thin enough’ these thoughts make you feel horrible and bring about bad emotions. Our emotions are our guidance system to let us know if we are correctly connected to our inner self or not.

Tips on how to create a great future

Give your attention to what you want instead of what you don’t want

When you give your attention to something, your potential for attracting it is increased. Stop constantly talking about the person who hurt you, watching movies about women who get their heartbroken or having wine days with your single girlfriends and crying about why you aren’t in a relationship and how there are no good men out there. News flash ladies - there are absolutely amazing, gorgeous, accomplished, kind men out there, they are everywhere and no they aren’t all taken. All you have to do is start focusing on that fact alone -that most men are good, not all of them are assholes. Most of them are actually wonderful and kind. Focus on the type of person you want to attract, the more vivid the details are in your mind the more attention you will give those thoughts. Visualize, write down your perfect man.

When I was younger one of my favorite movies was Practical Magic. There is a part in the movie where Sally, a young witch creates a spell ( a sort of wish list ) of her perfect man. She is so specific from his eye colour to his favorite shape and what he enjoyed eating. Later on in the movie, Sally meets this man and feels an undeniable pull to him. I was around 12 when I saw this and I thought "oh wow I wonder if that could work for me'", so I created my own little wish list. Mine went something like this;

1: He must be Portuguese

2: He must have brown eyes

3: Tanned Skin

4: Good at playing soccer

5: Likes flying in aeroplanes (I loved aeroplanes when I was younger)

6: Kind heart

7: Loves me for who I am

8) Shy

9) Romantic

10) Good with children

I kid you not that my husband is a check to all of these things, being young and innocent I thought I had the power of creating my own love spell and attracting Mr. Right into my life and that’s exactly what happened. You might say it was a coincidence, but I believe without realising it, I used the law of attraction and focused on not only attracting but recognising who the right person was for me.

Question your thoughts

Whenever you feel negative emotions, stop and recognise what you were thinking about. Whenever you feel a negative emotion it is always telling you that whatever you were thinking about is important because it is the opposite of what you really want. The more aware you are of your thoughts, the more you can shift your thought process

Negative thoughts:

I really shouldn’t eat that donut

I will put on over 1000 calories if I eat that donut

I am already so fat and unattractive as it is

What’s the point I might as well eat it

Emotion: Sadness, guilt, disgust, worry


I don’t really want to eat that donut

I like the idea of being healthy

Nothing tastes as good as being healthy feels

I could eat it but would it really be worth it

I will say no

I am doing so well and on the road to looking great

Emotion: Proud, accomplished, excited, happy

Surround yourself with women who lift you higher

As woman, we depend on our friends a lot. We share our secrets and challenges with them. It’s important these people be the ones who support and encourage us. If you want to be confident, classy, empowered or in great relationships then you need to associate yourself with people who have achieved these goals. Is this self-centred and heartless? Absolutely not. Because if you are exposed to someone or a regular basis, who is a male basher, insecure, negative, promiscuous or needy, you’ll never learn how women who aren’t male bashers, insecure, negative, promiscuous or needy live their lives. Now I am not saying you must remove the people you love out of your life because they have challenges, however, focus on spending more time with people who you are going to learn from, who can help you grow and inspire your future.

When you really look at it, you will see that there is no actual thing as the past. Memories are thoughts happening in the present. Negative emotion about the past is being felt in the now. You are the only person that can keep your past alive and you are the only person that can influence your future. If you want to heal from the past, put your attention on the person you are in the present and all the joy coming your way.

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