Do You Really Want Him Back?
Being dumped can be a harsh blow to your self-esteem. Every woman wants to prove to herself that she isn’t a failure and in fact, desirable.
If you do want to be with him again, you need to be honest with yourself about the relationship and the person he is. Was he a good man? Did he respect you? Was he cheating on you with someone else? Were you left for another woman? You must consider everything by asking yourself some tough questions.
If you want things to work, have a legitimate reason why. If your reasons come from a place of loneliness or insecurity, such as;
“I miss him.”
“I will never find a man as attractive as him.”
“I feel lost without him.”
Then I can assure you that you won’t get the long-lasting happy relationship you are looking for. Sure, you may be able to get back with him using strategies you learn but if your motivation to reunite is not built on genuine reasons, it will be doomed to fail.
What is your most significant reason for wanting to get back together with your ex? Do you want the same things out of life?
Let’s use Candice as an example.
Candice had been dating her boyfriend for two years, but towards the end of the relationship, it turned sour. Candice and her boyfriend were fighting all the time. The relationship turned into a degrading, controlling, and hurtful one filled with emotional abuse. During another one of their heated arguments, her boyfriend sent her a message saying, “I’m done with this,” and then blocked her from messaging him.
At the time, Candice interpreted this message as a breakup. She ceased all contact with her boyfriend and immediately blocked him back. A couple of weeks later, she moved to a new city with her family. She had moved on and never felt better. She was free from a toxic relationship. Being with this man-made her feel as though the weight of the world was on her shoulders. She surprised herself at how fast she got over him and moved on. She was happy, enjoying her freedom and getting her independence back. That is until the dreaded Facebook encounter.
Whilst looking at mutual friends’ pictures there, she saw her ex and his NEW girlfriend. Suddenly Candice started becoming nostalgic. He was handsome, intelligent, and successful, and everything about him become appealing. All of the resentment, memories of the fighting, and unhappiness went out the window. All those feelings were now replaced by the insatiable need to get him back.
Candice did indeed get him back. They actually moved in together, and he proposed, but six months later, that all crumbled. Candice realized that she wasn’t happy, and this wasn’t the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. She realized that this wasn’t what she really wanted. This was a pure retaliation from her ego when Candice found out he was with someone new.
She didn’t REALLY want him back. The issue was that she didn’t like NOT being able to have him.
Have a serious and realistic look at how your relationship was and the kind of partner he was to you. Was he reluctant or unable to give you what you needed in the relationship? Chances are those problems are still going to be there if you get back together. Before you consider getting him back, ask yourself a question.
What would be different this time around? A man cannot miraculously change in a couple of months. Sure, losing you can send him on the right path of self-discovery. He might be taking steps to see his own shortcomings.
You may be able to influence his behavior, but you cannot control his feelings or actions. It is going to be a long journey if you are going to make it work this time around.
Pay attention to your intuition, and don’t consent to being played by him. A man who cares about you without a shadow of doubt will be emotionally invested in you. Regardless if he is going through something and needs space to figure it out.
Whether you want him back or not, and if he chooses to come back, you are single right now. As hard as it is, this is your opportunity to figure out how you really feel about your ex. This observation isn’t about insulting the man’s character or focusing on what he is lacking. You do, however, have to face the possibility that he may be incapable of being the sort of partner you are looking for.
You need to ensure the relationship you are trying to win back is worth it.
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