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How you Should Contact your ex Boyfriend

Let's say you have successfully implemented the no-contact rule for 90- days, and you still haven't heard from your ex; what then? Should you reach out?

Contacting an ex can be problematic, especially if you want him back in your life. Generally, women find it challenging to keep their composure once they break no contact. Being the first one to reach out will put you in a vulnerable position because there is the possibility that you might be rejected again, which will lead you back to square one. This is why breaking contact should be something that is carefully thought about. You have to see the bigger picture and be sure that it is not just your need for instant gratification urging you to reach out.

If you have been following my strategies, you will have heard me say that you ALWAYS want an ex to be the one to reach out first. This is 100% correct and should always be your plan A.

I completely understand that you want to hear from him, and sure, receiving a text from him might give you some temporary relief, but it can open up the door to a lot more problems, especially if you are struggling to keep your emotions in check?

Breaking contact has to be strategic, not impulsive. If you are thinking about reaching out, there are a lot of factors to consider

1: The amount of space you have given him

A man will only truly start to regret his actions at around the 2-3 month mark, so breaking contact before this period will be pointless—all you will do is stroke his ego and make him feel like the prize. You need sufficient time to pass to dilute the issues, fights, and negative thoughts connected to you.

2:The timing of your message

When you do decide to send a message, it should be at an unpredictable time, Like mid-morning. You don't want to send it at night when it will come across as though you are sitting in bed depressed and thinking about him. You also want to send it during the week, Monday - Wednesday, so he doesn't think you drunk texted him.

3:The length of your message

I always say a text message should never be longer than five lines. Not five sentences but five lines maximum. The less you say, the better. This strategy forces you to cut back on what you want to say, automatically making you appear more mysterious.

4:The reason for your message

Don't use a silly excuse to reach out to him. For example, "Do you want your t-shirt?" he will see right through this. Be sincere but also detached with your reasons for reaching out to him. Avoid birthdays and predictable moments that he expects a text from you. Also, avoid "I need your help texts" You don't want to make him feel like you can't function without him.

5:The content of your message

Hey, Dylan, I hope you are well. I was deleting old pics off my phone, and a pic of you popped up, so I just thought I would check in and say hi. Amanda.

This message is short and cryptic.

  • You are using his name, which comes across as unattached, but everyone likes hearing or seeing their name. So it is an instant hook.

  • You are saying, "I hope you are well" You are not asking him if he is well, which means you are not too concerned about whether or not he replies. You are not trying to engage in a long conversation.

  • "I was deleting old pics" - This could mean you are deleting pictures of him, and he will wonder if you are romantically over him.

  • "A picture of you popped up" means you are not intentionally looking at pictures of him.

  • "thought I would check in and say hi" - You are just wondering how he is doing.

  • "Amanda" By ending with your name, you indirectly say, " I know we are no longer together, and I know you might have deleted my number, and I'm okay with that."

6:The predictability of your message

During a breakup situation, a man will test you. He will post things to trigger you or say something to hurt you. This is not the time to break no contact, or else you will be rewarding bad behavior with your attention. When you break contact, it needs to be in a way that blindsides him; he should not see it coming.

7:The frequency of your contact

Here is the truth - with every message/call he receives from you, the more you give away your leverage and power. Every time you reach out, you are putting him in the position of control, and the last thing you want is for him to feel bombarded with your messages causing him to roll his eyes every time he sees your name pop up.

The no go forms of contact

Calling Via Phone

I don't like phone calls as a way of breaking contact because;

A: The only option your ex has is to take the call or phone you back. This puts too much pressure on him, and he will be annoyed by your call, not excited or intrigued by it.

B: It will be difficult to stay in control of your emotions, and he will be able to read you a lot easier, so the mystery goes out the window. He might say something you are not prepared for, and you will lose your composure, causing an argument to erupt.

C: Phone conversations are intimate, and although they are very effective in getting an ex back, they should never be used to break contact. This should be used later when you have started to communicate more. He also needs to be the one to call you first.

Writing A Letter or Long Email

I am not a fan of this tactic at all. It's too sappy, and he won't appreciate or truly listen to what you have to say. Professing your undying love for your ex will not work, and you will come across as childish, desperate, and a bit creepy.

Remember that it is always in your best interest to remain silent. If he doesn't break contact, then perhaps his interest level in you is not the place you need it to be, and he needs more time to feel your absence in his life.

Believe in your worth and maintain your dignity.



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