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Three Strategic Reasons to Leave an ex Alone, so he Comes Back

If I leave my ex alone, will he come back to me? Is giving my ex space the key to winning him back? Will my ex realize what he's lost if I give him space? These are the most popular questions I am asked.

If you have ever heard the old saying, "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it's yours. If not, it was never meant to be." You will probably know that there is a lot of truth to it.

So, what is behind this well-known saying? Does it imply that your love life and happiness are controlled by fate, destiny, or luck?

No, it implies that you cannot force your ex to want to be with you or be a compatible partner.

In my book This Girl's Got an Ex I explain that you can only give the person the space to feel your absence so they can decide what to do about it.

If the connection was as strong as you believe, then this gives him the opportunity to realize this for himself."

Getting an ex to regret his decision to break up isn't always easy but giving him space certainly creates a strong foundation and increases your chances drastically.

A man who cares about you without a shadow of a doubt will be emotionally invested in you. Regardless if he is going through something and needs Space to figure it out.

The most challenging part about a breakup is intentionally allowing or even creating Distance between you and your ex. This is why most women honestly struggle to stick to the no contact rule.

We are always looking for reasons or excuses to reach out to our exes because our naughty fix it and force it instinct kicks in. We go into action mode, trying to control the situation and how we think our ex should behave towards us.

Whether you want him back or not, and if he chooses to come back, you have to make him feel your absence in his life.

Here are the 3 strategic Reasons why giving an ex-space during a breakup increases your chances of getting him back.

1: Increases your Value

As a woman, your intention is never to try to convince an ex to want you back by bombarding him with your presence. You do not want to be seen as being intrusive or always in his face.

Being the aggressor will be a waste of your time and will only have the opposite effect and cause him to pull back even further. Your behavior will validate (in his mind) why he's the "prize," and he will become passive and distance himself from you.

Remember this; if you chase him, he will run because your job is not to be the pursuer.

Whether you agree with this terminology or not, here is the fact; hunting is his instinctual role.

You are the catch; you are the prize. You are the Girl with Game and her approach is to respect herself and his decision, and she “moves on.” She carries herself in a way that affirms she isn’t desperate, and if he doesn’t want her, that’s okay, another man will. She doesn’t say this but instead shows him.

Give him the space to come to you, not the other way around.

Why does space give you the upper hand;

  • It reawakens his need to pursue you. This instinct has been dormant hence the breakup and no-contact.

2: Drops his Guard

If you have read my books or received my strategies you will have heard me say before that men don’t respond effectively to verbal communication. Words do not have the same effect on men as they do on women.

Regardless of what you say you will not convince him into coming back to you without giving him the space he needs. If you are too direct, especially early on during a breakup, you risk the chance of him putting his guard up and being resistant to anything you have to say.

You might be wondering if you could get him back because the breakup was bad but you don't want him to continue pushing you away. Let the time apart dilute the nasty words, issues, and fights you had. When he isn't on the defensive it will be a lot easier for you to get through to him.

Why does space give you the upper hand;

  • It gives him a false sense of security and calmness, which allows you to move strategically and quietly by coming up with a Game plan of how to deal with him and the situation when the time is right for communication.

3: Creates Doubt

When your ex broke up with you or caused you to break up with him... he was in control. He was the one calling the shots. He knew he had you where he wanted you and became used to you doing all of the giving. This is why he gave you less of his time and energy over time.

You want to cultivate mystery- and stop him from figuring you out.

Why does space give you the upper hand;

  • It wakes him up and turns the tables. Suddenly you are not so predictable as before, and now he is in the position of feeling unsure about how you feel about him.

Giving your ex space is a great technique but it is not going to be enough to make him realize that he made a mistake by breaking up with you.

Having a strategy to grab your ex's attention raises your chances considerably. It gives you a higher level of awareness by pre-empting your man's behavior as well as yours.

A Game plan makes you prepared for different scenarios that might come up. It helps you identify and eliminate your weaknesses as well as using your strengths to your benefit. It defines and drives your decisions, so you know how to conduct yourself when he does reach out.


It also allows you to monitor things outside of your control and other factors that might affect the smooth running of your plan.

Without a strategy, your behavior will be reactive instead of proactive.

This means you will have an emotional response to what your ex is doing or saying. The possibility of failing is high if you try to "wing it”. Right now, you aren't thinking logically; you are letting your heart take the lead.

Having a game plan gives you an advantage. It encourages you to have emotional restraint and self-belief. It helps you to focus on matters within your control and ignore that which is outside of it.


Being proactive means you are ready. If you know the direction you need to take, you will have a much better idea of how to achieve your goal. Your aim is to be two steps ahead of your ex by putting your new cool, calm and collected persona on display.

So do you have a strategy in place? How will you respond to a message from your ex that won’t push him further away? How will you ignite his interest? How will you become irreplaceable?


When I help my clients with a tailored game plan, their success rate is 80% higher than those who try to do it on their own. So, if you do need help creating one, drop me a line at


Men love women who continuously strive to better themselves. Think about what outcome you want to achieve and then take action!



Learn More About the No Contact Rule

Learn More About the Psychology of men During a Breakup

Get your FREE Mini Breakup Guide HERE

Make an Ex realize what he's Lost with the No Contact Find out more HERE

Will he realize what he's lost? Take the quiz HERE

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1 komentář

Allison Howarts
Allison Howarts
16. 2. 2022

After being in relationship with Anderson for years, he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to my friend and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, tha…

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