What do Men Really Want?
Trying to figure out what a man wants from us is sometimes frustrating, but when we understand what mentally stimulates them, we can use it to our advantage.
Understanding a man = understanding your power.
Women want a man to settle down and commit; we wear our hearts on our sleeves and are clear about who we love and how we feel. Men have their hearts tucked away in their sleeves. They will only expose it to who they think is worthy. A man will place value on you without even realizing it, and the demand for you will determine your worth in his eyes so if you have a better understanding of what he's attracted to it will be easier to pull him in.
1: Men Want What They Can’t Easily Have
Think of yourself as a brand. Something low in demand, but high in supply, is perceived as being less valuable. Yet, something high in demand but low in supply is seen as being more valuable. If your attention, affection, and availability are limited, you become valued.
When a man craves your time, whether through text, phone, or in person, there is a demand for you. Your attention towards him is in low supply. Elusiveness makes you more valuable, which then makes him want you more. Subconsciously he views you as high value, thus making you a challenge.
When something or someone is harder to get, they are perceived as a prize. Men think a high valued woman will soon become unavailable if they don't put the effort into winning her over.
Men want to be the pursuer. They don't wish things of value to be given to them. Well, they think they do, but they get more satisfaction when having to work for it. If you want to increase your value, you need to allow a man to work a little harder for your attention.
2: Men Want A Difficult Woman
It always makes me feel a little uncomfortable to talk about men being the hunters because it sounds like women are the prey, but the fact is, men, enjoy the pursuit. They anticipate the feeling of accomplishment when finally, “conquering” a woman.
It is the way they are; men are wired differently. The difficult woman provides a man with an adrenaline-charged hunt: She is not controllable, she is opinionated, and she doesn’t submit to his rule. She refuses to give away her dignity and doesn’t care if she upsets him by not providing sex on demand.
The challenge of getting a woman to yield to his domination is the most exhilarating challenge for a man. Men will spend a lifetime trying to defeat her. The stronger she is, the more excitement she evokes in him. If a man sizes her up as a weak woman, his “opponent” is boring; there are no competitive rewards to speak of. No exciting win for him because he wins all the time, so there is no challenge. Most men have a very low tolerance for boredom and passivity. The difficult woman keeps him on his toes because she isn’t afraid to challenge men.
3: Men Crave Inconsistency
There are many ways to hook and keep a man's attention, but men tend to respond best to unpredictable women. Mysterious women test their mental agility. You see, men are instinctual problem solvers. They love to dismantle things and then try and figure out how to put it back together again. They enjoy this type of challenge because once they finally succeed, their sense of accomplishment feeds their ego. Their "brilliance" is validated. When a woman is inconsistent, she provides the man with the exhilarating task of trying to decipher her level of interest in him. Girls with Game are like a puzzle.
Men are always trying to figure out a Girl with Game because she is elusive. If he isn't able to pin her down, she becomes fascinating, but what is even more confusing is not being able to get unhinged from her. So, he is forced to think about her, wonder about her, and obsess over her. This infatuation is the same feeling he would experience when falling in love with a woman. There is a fine line between obsession and love, and this is why men associate this type of suspense with love.
Your power lies in your ability to stir up your man’s emotions.
When a man is left guessing about your devotion towards him, it strengthens his commitment to you. He believes he must continue to compete for your affection. He will keep trying endlessly to win and thereby become more emotionally charged.
Your Style of Dress and Grooming:
Men get a fresh jolt of attraction when a woman uses several ways to show off her femininity. A ponytail and casual wear one day followed by a tight-fitting outfit and matching flirty curls the next. Altering your style can keep him feeling he is with a new girl every time.
Your Interest Level in Him:
When a woman doesn’t ask where she stands, doesn’t wait for a man, and appears to not be too bothered if the relationship works out or not, she immediately becomes interesting. He knows that you want him, but then he also knows that you don’t need him.
Is there someone else giving you attention? Do you not think your man is good enough? Could you get better? Do you think he’s special?
When you have a blasé attitude, it pulls him in because it means he doesn’t know where HE stands in YOUR life.
It doesn’t hurt to pull back at times. You want him to value the time he gets to spend with you. Sometimes make plans and break them at short notice. Change your mind and decide you want to do something else instead of what he initially suggested. Always be apologetic and respectful, but show him that your world does not revolve around him.
Sometimes be reserved, sometimes be animated. Sometimes be very flirty and affectionate, sometimes be aloof and distant. If you usually text him, give him a call instead. Sometimes call him back right away and other times don’t call him at all.
4: Men Want A Confident Woman
A man hates having to reassure a woman of his loyalty and attraction to her. If you need a man to encourage you constantly, his efforts will never be enough, and you will always put pressure on him to provide the next boost. It makes him feel as if he’s failing at being a good partner and it annoys him. Your insecurities convey to him that you believe you aren’t good enough for him. Just as you are questioning your worth, he will start questioning it too. When you show a man that you are insecure about losing him the chance of it happening increases.
Here are a few ways you could be coming off as insecure:
Needing Constant Validation
● Often asking him if he still loves you
● You are always double-checking to make sure the two of you are in a “serious” relationship
● You tell him to put pictures of you or the two of you together on social media
● Constantly asking for his opinion on how you look
● Fishing for compliments by putting yourself down or pointing out your flaws
● Asking him about his previous girlfriends and trash-talking them
Making Him a Priority
● Willingly ditching friends and family to go out with him
● Rescheduling your appointments to spend time with him
● Finding yourself doing things you don’t like doing, just to make him happy
● Giving up the things you enjoy to make him happy
● Being too available and always responding promptly
● Complimenting him constantly, and stroking his ego
Putting up with Disrespect
● Accepting his “flirtatious” behavior towards other women
● Forgiving him time and time again
● Allowing him to put you down
● Jumping through hoops if he seems upset
● Going out of your way to be a “better” woman for him
● Laughing off disrespectful jokes about women
● Allowing your messages or calls to be ignored
● Allowing him to put the phone down on you more than once
Doing all the Work
● Feeling the need to always initiate intimacy
● Doing most of the pleasing during sex
● Putting love notes in his bag
● Sending long heartfelt text messages about how you feel and how great he is
● Feeling the need to try out all the latest sex tips/outfits to please him
● Cooking and cleaning with no help from him at all
● Regularly sending him long texts or calling him
If you do any of the above, then you lose your power and his interest. You are showing him how insecure you are. Your actions are saying, “I don’t believe I’m good enough for you.” This gives him the upper hand, and after a while, he starts to agree with your insecurities. He thinks, “Hey, maybe I can get better than her.” You want him to view you as irreplaceable.”
5: He Wants to Be Attracted to You
It's no secret that men are visual creatures, and unfortunately, that makes them shallow at times. Though a woman's character trumps her appearance, looking after yourself is still important. Men want their partners to look and feel sexy. He wants to feel proud to hold your hand. Men are designed to care about the entire package. Your inner beauty, character, and image all make you desirable. Men are afraid that when a woman lets herself go, she will lose her edge. He's worried she will completely change physically, mentally, and emotionally.
This doesn't mean you need to spend your time and money, molding yourself into some celebrity replica. But you do need to look after yourself. Remember that beauty constantly evolves in fashion and society. It's forever changing because there is no specific characteristic of beauty. This world is filled with men who have different tastes and preferences for what they find attractive. You don't need to be perfect. All you need to do is focus on being the best version of you. As women, we need to have a positive approach to our image. Our appearance is important but it does not override everything else.
6: A Man Wants Praise
Men are creatures of pride. Every man needs to feel respected to increase his self-esteem. If you don't praise or compliment him, and if you always put him down, you damage his ego.
You need to be careful even if he deserves to be brought down a notch. The way you interfere with his self-worth determines how he treats you.
There should always be a 70% to 30% ratio split. 70% of the feedback you offer should be positive, and 30% should be constructive. You don't want to praise your man endlessly, but if the ratio is reversed, it will damage his perception of you. If your feedback is always negative, you become the enemy, someone who nags and criticizes him. You are someone who makes him feel worthless.
If a man doesn't have self-respect, he will feel incompetent and weak. When this is the case, men then feel the need to regain their dominance. This insecurity can manifest in the form of cheating, disrespect, or abandonment.
So, both of you win by praising him. His self-worth will be raised, and he will then associate you with this good feeling. That means he will love you for it. Praising a man when the time permits will show him that you take notice of his efforts and attributes.
7: He Wants A Woman Who Doesn’t Overcompensate to Get His Affection
Women spend too much time trying to sell the idea of being the perfect woman. We do this by exaggerating our value out of the fear of being inferior. We jump through hoops, sacrifice, and forgive. We show what we can offer a man because we want security and certainty. We try to be the perfect woman out of fear that a man will leave us.
This is transparent to men, and if allowed, they will use it to their advantage. If you want to appear to be valuable, being submissive to all of your man's needs won't work. You will end up sacrificing your happiness to make him happy. Women think that when a man is happy, he will feel that he can’t live without her. The problem is that it has the opposite effect. When a woman submits to her man's every need, he feels too comfortable in the relationship. He gets bored and loses interest in her because he knows that he rules.
Men crave anticipation, unpredictability, and risks, so a Girl with Game keeps her cool. Her real emotions remain a mystery to him. As she never seems to be under his thumb, her man is excited that he still has to conquer her, so he continues to try. He respects her because she makes herself happy first. She believes in her worth and doesn't have to prove how amazing she is!
8: Men Want A Commitment but Fear It Too
As a woman, it's difficult to understand why men don't want to commit because commitment is a female's number one goal. The truth is, most men want to invest in a woman, but they're afraid of the following;
Committing to the Wrong Woman:
It's not the commitment that men fear. What men are afraid of is taking a plunge and investing energy into a relationship that might not work out. People change, feelings change, and so do the circumstances in life. No one knows what the future holds. The thought that a man could waste his time in a relationship that won't work in the long run terrifies him. Men fear if things don't work, they could lose their financial security, friends, and youth.
Many men grow up with a view of women as a controlling force. These fears are reflected in the phrase's men use, like, "she's your ball and chain," and "he's whipped." It's easy to see then how commitment becomes the definition of an imbalance of power - of a woman taking over the man's life.
Men value their independence and freedom. In their view, they would have to give up the enjoyment in their own life to make a woman happy. Commitment, love, and marriage then feel like a trap with no escape.
Losing the Adrenaline Rush:
Men fear the loss of the adrenaline rush they get from pursuing a woman that has only seen his best side. He's able to wear a mask and portray a magnified version of himself because new women aren't aware of his flaws. When a man is single, he has the constant ego boost and exhilarating challenge of trying to make a woman fall for him. When he is in a relationship with a woman, there isn't a need to impress her. He has her already, so does he really need to pursue her? The challenge is gone.
In my book This Girls Got Game, I provide strategies on how to always remain a challenge in the eyes of your man.
101 FREE pages of the most effective and influential strategies women use to unlock their power and keep the upper hand in their relationships with men.
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